I am...

A stay at home mom. I was a working mom. These are labels that put you in general catagories that everyone can understand. I was a mom, I am still a mom, and I will always be a mom to Abigail. I will vary in occupation, but always a mom. I am very proud of my daughter but really God has made a beautiful, smart, wonderful girl with a huge heart. I get to raise her to be a God fearing and loving woman and watch her grow. But God gets all the credit.

A wife. Since May 3, 2003. There have been hard, good, beautiful, boring, exhilarating, exausting, disasterous, funny and ho-hum days. Really all of life has been wrapped up in my husband. I have submitted to his leadership and have tried to support him as best as I can. But I fail at something every day. The older I get the more I understand that I need to rely on the strength God provides because I can't do this without God. Because I am married to Michael I am a pastor's wife. I am very proud of him and try really hard to support his ministry.

A daughter. This is not a hard role right now. My Dad and his wife Linda are amazing people. It is easy for me to look up to them as role models. My Dad is healthy, and I do not take that for granted. It is always great to visit them, I always learn something.

A church janitor. This is my part time job. Michael helps me because we have been down to one car. We finally got a van this past Saturday that is now a second vehicle that I can drive. So I will probably go on my own from now on. I enjoy cranking up the tunes and caring for our church building. I pray for our church and think about the members when I clean. I enjoy praising God in our beautiful sanctuary when it's empty and it's just me and Him.

An obese person. If you met me that is probably the first thing you would notice. I am self-concious about it. I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I have been overweight since I was a child. It is not something that I want to define my life, but it has an effect on everything. I have yo yo'd in my weight over the years but always fat. I've been married for almost 14 years and still do not know why. My husband must see something I don't.

A friend. I love my friends. They are all so different. Sometimes I want to have very mixed parties so some of these people can meet each other. I might have to do that.  I love to listen to and encourage others. I enjoy conversation. I'm pretty goofy and I love to laugh. My best good friend other than Michael is Lori. We have had several adventures over the past 4 years.

I'm a little sister. I'm taller and bigger but always little. My sister has always been there for me. She is quiet, intellectual, cultured, and cool. She is a gormet cook. I am an aunt to her twin boys and a sister in law to her husband. I'm going to blink and those boys are going to be graduating high school. They have grown so fast.

I'm a church member, a family member, and lots of other things.

The most important thing that defines me is: I'm a child of God. His love defines me. He loved me before I was born, loves me now, and will love me for eternity. Not because of anything I have done, or the family I was born into, or anything. He chose to love me when without His Spirit's help I would have rather hated everything about Him and His Kingdom. I was dead.  I was headed for Hell without hope until He saved me. His opinion trumps everyone else's and His Holy Word, the Bible, is where He speaks to me. I want to know what God thinks about everything. I have purposed to make Him first in my heart and to be with Him daily. I want people to know that I love Jesus. He was God incarnate, God and Man at the same time and perfect without sin. He lived 33 years and was publicly executed on a cross. Right before He died he said, IT IS FINISHED. He tried to tell everyone that He was the Messiah, come to save everyone and establish His Kingdom. Nobody understood and we all are responsible for His death. Three days later His body came back to life and He showed the world that He is God. If you believe in Him you will not die and the sin that plagues you will be paid for and FINISHED. I struggle and still sin but am growing more like Jesus than i was before.  You will live forever, either in Heaven or Hell, depending on what you believe. I'm with God, I want everyone to believe in Him and go to Heaven and worship Him forever.  If you talk to me very long this is what is going to come up. I can't help it. People talk about what they love and are interested in. I know God is a touchy subject for most people so I try to make small talk. But I really love to talk about the bible. I guess that's why I love to be in His church with His other children, my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Well, that's me. There is a lot more ugly about me that I didn't write, we all do this, wanting to look good.  Most of what I define myself by are my relationships, including my relationship with God. My relationship with myself is the most disfunctional, as I am sure it is for most. I don't know why I am putting this all on a blog but here it is.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

It is amazing how you can see yourself reflected in your own child.  Michael and I both have a bad habit of going and going until we can’t anymore and then being tired or sick as a result.  Today I saw that reflected in my little girl.  Usually if there is some kind of noise than we know Abby is fine.  Today Michael went to investigate when he realized that the house was too quiet.  We found Abby asleep in the middle of the floor in her room.  She literally played herself to sleep.  Michael snapped this picture of her under her favorite blanket.  I don’t think the apple falls very far from the tree with me either.  My dad will go all day doing something and when he finally sits down in his chair in the evening he’ll pass out.  He’s been known to wake up in the living room at 2am because he fell asleep.

Something I am hoping to do is being a reflection of my Heavenly Father.  I know that I am nowhere near there yet, but I am growing.  Because of what Jesus did for me by taking the punishment I deserved and giving me grace unending, I am free to obey out of love and not out of duty.  I feel that I am also free to grow and learn, and to change in a way that I wouldn’t be able to without the gospel.  I am still learning about how much the gospel has an effect on my everyday life, my ability to change, and my lens through how I see the world.  But what I do know is, by seeking God I am going to become more like him.  And that is thrilling to me!

I am reading the book NOTE TO SELF by Joe Thorn.  It is about preaching the gospel to yourself and it gives you concrete ways to do it.  It is written as a note to yourself.  Each short chapter starts with “Dear Self,” here is an example that I read this week and loved:  “Dear Self, …It is unfortunate that you forget your need to seek God, for though you are right that God is enough, you forget that he is only found to be enough by those who seek him.  Seeking God means that in all you do, you keep his honor in your mind, his Word in your heart, and his glory as your goal – so you are seeking to actually know him and make him known.”

Topless Woman Clothed in Fine Linen

I have been reading some advice on how to write a blog.  And even though I am not really interested in reading writings about writing itself, I suppose it is good advice.  The one piece that I am going to try first is writing something every day.  I may not post something everyday, but I am going to try to write something every day.

So here are some of my thoughts
Recently there was a woman who decided to walk around topless in New York City, in Union Square.  True story! It was published on MSN's front page.  She did it in order to prove in New York City that it wasn't illegal.  Couldn't she have just stood in the street and held up a sign?   The only thing that woman proved was she has no shame!  She did get rewarded with attention, and that was probably what she was after.  If she walked around topless in my town, I hope she would be arrested.  I probably sound like a judgmental church lady.  This isn't a woman who is being exploited as a sex slave, or not seeing any way out using her God given body and sexuality to make money. She is doing this of her own volition to prove that it's not "illegal".
Like the sinner that I was and still am without the imputed righteousness of Christ: I hope she hears the truth about Jesus, feels the weight of her sin, sees her desperate condition, runs to Jesus in repentance and faith and is saved from hell.  Then I hope she puts a shirt on. Better yet, I hope that Jesus gives her fine linen.

Revelation 19

Celebration in Heaven

    ¹ After this I heard something like the loud voice of a vast multitude in heaven, saying:
   Hallelujah!
Salvation, glory, and power belong to our God,
² because His judgments are true and righteous,
because He has judged the notorious prostitute
who corrupted the earth with her sexual immorality;
and He has avenged the blood of His slaves
that was on her hands.
   ³ A second time they said:
   Hallelujah!
Her smoke ascends forever and ever!
   ⁴ Then the 24 elders and the four living creatures fell down and worshiped God, who is seated on the throne, saying:
   Amen! Hallelujah!
   ⁵ A voice came from the throne, saying:
   Praise our God,
all His slaves, who fear Him,
both small and great!

Marriage of the Lamb Announced

    ⁶ Then I heard something like the voice of a vast multitude, like the sound of cascading waters, and like the rumbling of loud thunder, saying:
   Hallelujah, because our Lord God, the Almighty,
has begun to reign!
⁷ Let us be glad, rejoice, and give Him glory,
because the marriage of the Lamb has come,
and His wife has prepared herself.
⁸ She was given fine linen to wear, bright and pure.
   For the fine linen represents the righteous acts of the saints.

You can read the story here: http://now.msn.com/living/0520-nyc-topless.aspx

Billy Graham's Early Years from LIFE Magazine

Please go over to LIFE magazine and check out this set of pictures of Billy Graham.  I love the pictures of him at home with his family and on mission trips to Africa.

Letters from Mom

You can't make this stuff up.

This morning I was getting ready for work and for some reason my mom's journal caught my eye.  I had glanced at it before but never really read it.  I don't know if it was just too hard, like I wasn't ready or something, but today on a whim I picked it up.

This is what I read:

"10/25 1 Sam 25; Samuel died, last of the judges.  Nabal means "fool"  Abigail means "My father is joy."  he was evil, she intelligent a beauty, Abigail chose to obey God, rather than her evil husband, as a wife may sometimes need to do.  She went David begging him not to wipe out Nabal and his men, so David listened to her and did not.  But God struck Nabal 10 days later and killed him.  David asked Abigail to be his wife, and she did marry him, becoming his third wife.

Prayer. Oh Lord, I pray that I would be a godly woman like Abigail, beautiful and intelligent, but mostly putting You first in my life, even before my husband.  I pray that I would know You so well that I would follow You to the letter, not ever fearing what man may do to me.

action: Don't be afraid To go against my husband on something I know is against God's will or His ways."

Mama would be home with the Lord in less than a year later.  What great faith she had.  I know that even if she had the opportunity she wouldn't come back here.  Even to meet her little granddaughter, Abigail Linda.  When I named Abby I had no idea my mom had wrote this.  I think she would have loved her name.

I think I am going to blog more of my mom's journal entries.  This is really good stuff!  I hope it ministers to you as much as it has me.

Two Kinds of Busy

Wow... I have been so busy!
Michael preached a 4 day renewal conference at Cash Creek Baptist Church.  You can find his sermons from last week here: What it means to be a disciple. 
If you are a pastor's wife or have been in a pastor's family you might understand how things go when your family member is writing sermons or preparing to preach.  We only have one computer at home and when Michael is writing, there is no blogging for Bethany!
The renewal conference at Cash Creek was great.  Michael's preaching was very helpful.  I am biased because I love my husband's preaching.  That's a good thing, right?  Nick and Callie Clark were our hosts, Nick is the pastor of Cash Creek Baptist.  They rolled out the red carpet for us!  They could not have been any sweeter.  On Saturday, Nick took us to the general store in Niagra, KY.  They have RC in the fountain and moon pies for sale.  It was really neat!  My first general store.
I think there is two kinds of being busy.  There is busy that is in your control and there is busy that is out of your control.  The busy out of your control can be draining, frustrating, and exhausting.  The busy in your control can be refreshing, exhilarating, and fun.  It depends on your perspective.  I can either look at being out of my normal routine due to activity as a burden, or a joy.  I think the Lord gets through to me when I am shook up a little bit.   When I am comfortable, soothed, and in control of things I tend to drown out his voice with other things.  Lately I have been trying to turn to him when I am drained, frustrated, and exhausted. So even being busy and feeling that it is out of your control can be a good thing.  Can you relate to this?

What a reaction!

I read the following about Johnathan Edwards wife, what she said after her husband passed away:

 "What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. . . . The Lord has done it. He has made me adore His goodness, that we had [Jonathan] so long. But my God lives; and He has my heart.”

I want to get to the point where I can react that way.  I am not there yet.  What an example of a woman when faced with probably the biggest tragedy in her life she reacts with praise to God's goodness.  She had given God her whole heart - so what bad thing could happen in this life to break her down?  Yes, I'm sure she was sad and grieving but the Lord had her heart.  And He is unbreakable. and He lives.